last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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