can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
