Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
