Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
