yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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