i just made my gag reflex go away.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
