I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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