So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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