i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
