no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
