i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
