Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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