I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
