Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
