WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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