my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
