I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
