Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
