Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
