Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
