My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
