I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize