Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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