Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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