i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We got so high we made milksteak
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
