as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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