I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize