i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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