so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
