my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
