yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
