he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't deserve a penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
