Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
