I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
