This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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