Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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