Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
