I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
