erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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