for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
