Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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