we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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