my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There are leaves in my underwear?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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