She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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