I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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