Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
