so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
