Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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