You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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