Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
