Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
