omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
