At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
