so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
