I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
