Im at strip club and am horny
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
