the day after is always just damage control
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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