I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
