shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
