This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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