Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
