I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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