I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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