My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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