I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
