now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
