ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
